Finding Happiness...

A year ago I moved from my home in NYC to live in the paradise of the Cote d'Azur.  I was keen on the idea, welcoming the change.  I had been doing well in my career but was open to finding a new passion to pursue.  And getting away from the winters to live along the sea was a big sell!

Well, during this year, I've been struggling a lot with finding my new happiness.  In such a paradise I feel I have no reason to feel unhappy, but I do.  Doing a little forum searching I see it's not uncommon for Expats to go through a bit of unsettling, a little depression, some confusion, etc., while finding their feet in the new environment.  With the language barrier, the customs barrier, the lack of familiarity, the distance of family and long standing friendships, and the lack of career fulfillment, life can be tougher than one perceives it will be.

I feel like I've been contemplating the "new" me for months.  But, I've finally started to really feel like I'm making a list of things I want to include in my life, from possible professional activities, exercise and sports interests, cultural activities to pursue, even volunteering opportunities.  The list is currently in pencil and gets rearranged, erased, and added to from time to time.

The main problem I run up against, or maybe that's my excuse, is the language barrier.  Say I decide I want to return to school and become a child psychologist.  Well, I'd have to be really fluent in french to be able to communicate with the children well.  To understand the nuances of what they were saying and to speak back to them with such nuances to say what I want in a way that isn't so direct. The way good psychologists talk in circles, questioning and directing you without you realizing.  This darn language issue even keeps me from pursuing a true love of mine, horse back riding lessons.  I'm afraid they'll only speak French and I'll constantly be lost.  Again, most likely just an excuse, but it keeps me from diving in all the same.  None of this would be the case if we had moved to London.  But it rains there alllll the time.  Heck, right now as we're sunny and 90ish, they're cloudy, rainy, and 65ish.

And then there's the realization that some of my sadness is because I don't have my "wine therapy" friends.  Those friends that you can sit on the couch with or go to a good margarita bar with and spill all and vent and feel comfortable with doing so.  You support each other and let each other have a good cry when it's needed without any judging.   The ones that know your crabby side and still love you.  Let you take two weeks to finally get around to returning their call and still love you.  I miss you girls!

Anyway, my list keeps getting worked on and soon I hope I'll be brave enough to start tackling it in reality.  And maybe I'll find a "wine therapy" friend here, someone who actually stays living here longer than six months, and feel a little more at home.  It's not as easy as I thought to start a new life in a place so different than the one I've know for over forty years.  But I'm still willing to give it a try.

We'll look back on this post in a year and see where I've gotten to....

(all pics taken from my terrace by me, and maybe the husband)

***After writing this I found an article I would like to share....http://www.mondaymorningmemo.com/newsletters/read/1981, it's sort of about finding your passion or better yet, doing something about it.  Enjoy.

This New Cyber-World....

I just love this new Cyber-World we live in.  It makes me feel that the world has become so much smaller, more accessible.  I'm not a phone person, don't know why, but I just find it soooo hard to pick up the phone and call someone.  But to throw out an e-mail or text and get one back right away….I love it.  Yes, yes, "but it's making us less social and more solitary", but for me, it's made me keep in contact with people just a bit better. I'm almost more social.

Sooooo, now living in France I see it even more.  Facebook was taboo with me just 6 months ago, now I check it once a day.  (I don't go crazy though and get messages sent to my phone, but I do keep up.)  I feel that I can just let people know I'm thinking of them and care about their lives with one simple "like".  I can also let everyone know something with one "share".  It used to be I had to call a number of people to share any news.  And that takes time.  Sometime you just don't want to take that much time to do something.  Maybe that's why I have a hard time with making a phone call.  It takes time.

I heard someone say once that he was upset that his niece had sent him a condolence over Facebook.  He thought it rude, that she should have called.  Maybe, but she's young and he's not so much anymore, and she's of a new age, he's not so much.  Our worlds and etiquette are a changin'.

Even e-mail, texting, and instant messaging help us all to stay more connected.  I can have a conversation with someone for free basically through all of these, instantaneously, anywhere.  I don't have to wait for them to get home to check their messages.  And it's been awhile since I had to wait for a letter to be delivered and the reply to arrive.  Do we realize that our children will probably never write or receive a handwritten letter? (Although getting one is still super special!)

And Skype, wholly moses how fantastic is that!?!  Since Daddy is stuck in NYC doing work, we've been able to feel like he's right here, within reach.  He even shared bath time (with the kids).  It was like he was there in the room with us.  He even caught T pouring water over Emm's head while I wasn't looking.  Wow, does that mean that cyber babysitting will be next???

The kids getting to chat with Daddy.

Emmerson getting to see an old friend who got left in NYC...soon to be reunited.

So anyway, there are no worries about living a country away when I have the means to stay connected as if I was next door.  And the Grandparents can still have regular visits with the grandchildren and watch them grow.  (Although I may have to make a trip home to help them set up their camera and Skype.)

Date Night reignited...

There was a time when James and I would regularly go on "date night" to spend an evening just being together.  A romantic dinner, a movie and dessert, or just sitting at the local bar talking over drinks.  We spend a lot of time together at home since we don't work in offices but it's different spending time together away from the work/home environment.

So finally, after three years -we had to go all the way to France to do it- we adopted a babysitter and reinstated "date night". 
She's great and the kids love her.  As soon as she came in they lead her off to show her all their toys.  Woo hoo, success!! 


Mommy and Daddy were off to Old Town in search of Mussles.  Well, 3 hours flew by with non-stop talking and laughing.  We could actually get out full sentences and follow a real conversation. We felt that WE were important to each other. It was so wonderful that we immediately scheduled her for the next week.


We get so wrapped up in the day to day of getting by, that we forget how important it is to stay connected to our partner with time of our own.  Being out without the children allowed us to focus on each other, and remind us why we like each other.  You don't have to go all the way to France to start your weekly "date night", just make a plan and go. Although France sure makes it nice. :)